Anti-Bollard Direct Action

Perhaps emboldened by our coverage of exemplary bollard-thwarting last week, we see evidence that the drivers of Aberdeen Cars have been out-and-about seeking to remove this menace from the urban environment. Bollards are just wrong; they prevent the drivers of Aberdeen Cars from parking wherever the hell they bloody well like, and from using the pavement as demand-responsive carriageway space for driving on when circumstances dictate.

Clearly, the presence of these anti-car bollards on some stretches of Aberdeen's Holburn Street has proven too much for one hard-pressed and beleagured motorist, who has taken direct action against this imposition on his (or her!) liberty:


We're also delighted to see that anti-bollard action is now spreading. Yes, spreading to barriers and railings too! We snapped this evidence of anti-railing direct action on the city's Great Western Road. This demonstrates that these items of street furniture are unwanted and dangerous: they're in our way and we want them removed! Anything that's in the way of the drivers of Aberdeen Cars is in the way of economic growth. So get these barriers removed. Now!


Unfortunately, we don't have the reg numbers of the drivers of the Aberdeen Cars who took this direct action, so we cannot induct them into the Anti Bollard (and Barrier!) League. But if they'd like to contact us direct with their reg numbers, we'd be happy to give them and their motoring skills the recognition which is so richly deserved!

Essential Services - "Sidey" YG05ROU & VO57CBU

New batrhooms are being installed in some council flats in the centre of the city. We suppose that's OK. The life of the world goes on in its neverending cycles. Winter turns to spring and for all things there is a season. All things must pass and the new replaces the old - nothing will last forever. Not even toilets.

While we're thinking of the inconstancy of all things, it's good to comfort ourselves with the thought that some things don't change in Aberdeen "City and Shire":


Yes, that's it! The contractors undertaking the works have made entrepreneurial use of the broken low fence to cross the double yellows, PavePark, VergePark and bollard-thwart thus vindicating the privatisation and outsourcing of building services by our council. We doubt whether pubic sector workers would have had the chutzpa to colonise the pedestrian space so unilaterally! Well, that statement is without foundation, but it suits our dogma, so we're happy to spout it.

We have written to the council offering praise for their policy, and by extension, their contractors. We have also inducted them into the Anti-Bollard League.

Union Grove is At War With The Bollards

Dispatches from our War With The Bollards and the promoters of Bollard-dom.



Thankfully, the driver of Aberdeen car YY06ZPE is much cleverer than the Bollard-mongering forces which seek to restrict his freedom movement and right-to-park. In this case, the forces of Bollard-dom have displayed their stupidity and have left just enough room for the driver of this BMW roadster to get in about and park his lovely sports car off the road. Thus reducing his insurance premium, probably. He's clever.

He cocks a snook at the Bollarders by crossing the double-yellows, and using the dropped-kerb pestestrian crossing bit to squeeze his lovely roadster off the road and onto that bit that used to be a garden outside the window of his two-room ground-floor Victorian tenement flat on the corner of the city's Union Grove and Annfield Terrace. That'll make him feel all lovely and secure. As he sits, continental lager in one hand - readymeal in the other - slumped in front of the plasma on the sofa of an evening, blasted by the daily commute to his spreadsheet-wrangling office job, he'll be able to glance out the window and see his lovely roadster - just there! When he sees it, he'll know full-well that his work of international importance creating much-needed economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire" to be the dynamo to pull the whole of UK plc out of the slump is worth it! Just look at the reward it brought him - a lovely roadster. If he could, he'd park it in the bedroom.

For this display of dedication, the driver of this BMW Z4 Roadster 2.5si "sport" (ooooh!) is made a full General in our Anti-Bollard League. Congratulations!

A Battle Won in our War on the Bollards.

Yay! Outside a tenement on the city's St Mary's Place, the driver of this Aberdeen Car demonstrates the importance of their parking imperative by crossing the double-yellows, creating a new desire-line in the shrubbery, paveparking, getting as close as possible to the tenement-access stairs (preventing any less important people from using them) and - and this is the most vital part - finding a way to circumvent the strictures on parking imposed by the bollards which were planted there to prevent exactly what the driver of Aberdeen Car Citroen C3 "Picasso" (ooooh!) reg. SP09SXY has achieved in so exemplary a fashion!

For this most impressive and diagonal parking tactic, which demonstrates that the forces of bollard-dom are characterised by an approach which the intelligent drivers of Aberdeen Cars can easily overcome, the driver of this Aberdeen Car is awarded the field commission of Brigadier in our Anti-Bollard League. Congratulations!

PaveParker of the Week! KG07DLX

This week's PaveParker of the Week demonstrates bollard-confounding full PaveParking!



Yes, the driver of Aberdeen Car Ford Focus 1.8 TDCi Zetec "Climate Pack" (ooooh?) reg. KG07DLX has spotted that the bollards on Aberdeen's Holburn Street outside the Royal China restaurant don't quite prevent the perspicacious and tenacious drivers of Aberdeen Cars from exercising their right to PavePark. Anything to avoid paying for parking! The fact that parking on pavements is not illegal  is such a great loophole for today's beleaguered motorists to exploit as they go about their vital business creating economic growth, and we're delighted that Aberdeen is in the vanguard of demonstrating best practice in this the gentle art of PaveParking.

For this dedication to the cause, this driver is not only our PaveParker of the Week! But also, we have made them an Honorary Colonel in the Aberdeen Anti-Bollard League.

Fury at Road Closed Misery

Road Closed Misery.

The more you look, the more you see. This bollard-driven menace curtails the freedom of the blameless drivers of Aberdeen Cars to go about their business creating much needed economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire". It robs motorists of the road-space for which they pay road tax and curtails traffic flow. Traffic flow is where economic growth comes from.

Anderson Drive - If only!

Beechwood Road.

Cornhill Road

Not content with punishing the already-hard-pressed and tax-farmed motorist with increasing parking charges, our council in all its wisdom,has decided to further punish the innocent motorist by blocking off some of the favourite commuter rat-runs, thus rendering them usable only by tax dodging pedestrians and cyclists.

It's a disgrace!

If any readers have instances of bollard-driven road-closed misery at which they'd like to vent their fury, then they can click our emergency-denunciation hot-link over to the right and e-mail aberdeencars@gmail.com with full details and photos.

When they do, we'll enroll them in our "Anti-bollard League".

Barriers to the Uptake of Driving Really Nice Cars

They give with one hand, and they take away with the other.



On Aberdeen's Pitstruan Place, the driver of Aberdeen Car Jaguar XK8 Coupe reg. L1MJF with its 4.2 litre engine is faced with an infuriating dilemma.

The authorities have put in a 'traffic calming' raised platform to assist with PaveParking. Those low profile tires and alloys don't take kindly to bumping up kerbs! That's why we usually like those 'raised platform' things. They're nearly as good as dropped kerbs for helping with PaveParking.

But in this case, the raised platform access to the pavement is blocked. Yes blocked, not only by the tree, but also by a hated bollard. Plaudits are due to our Jag driver for showing willing and getting at least some of his tyres up and onto the pavement. Dedication!

This is the very opposite of joined-up thinking from our local government. If they want Aberdeen "City and Shire" to be a forward-looking city with lots of economic growth and people driving really nice cars, then these barriers must be removed forthwith so that the drivers of the very loveliest cars can get them properly up on the pavement where they belong - letting the traffic FLOW!

Yet More Road Closed Misery! War On The Motorist Conducted by Sinister Robot Army!

Oh the frustration! It's absolutely ridiculous that the driver of this Aberdeen Car is prevented from continuing his or her journey from Woodside's Deer Road onto the A96 trunk road at Great Northern Road. Goddam bollards!

Actually, it's more than frustrating and ridiculous. It's sinister. We have recently been subject to botnet-generated bollard-promoting spam, which made us think. These bollards, these 'pestestrian safety' measures, these closed roads and everything. It's all being done by a Sinister Artificial Intelligence Robot Army which seeks to enslave the drivers of Aberdeen Cars by robbing us freedom of movement in the mode of transport of our convenience and free choice.

So if you want to join our campaign to stamp out bollards: 'The Anti-Bollard League' and put an end to Road Closed Misery you can report these sinister mobility restrictions imposed upon you and your lovely car to our crack team of pro-motoring commentators at the hyper-modern Aberdeen Cars control centre. We'll do the right thing by exposing these outrages! We'll expose the Robot Army Bollard Botnets!

All you have to do is take a photo of the outrage, then click the e-mail CitizenContributer hot-link to the right and report it to us by emailing aberdeencars@gmail.com - we'll do the rest!