Morrisons Supermarket - Consolidating Social Mobility

When our Big Society Prime Minister Mr David Cameron announced that, in future, council house tenancies were to have fixed terms in order to "increase social mobility" we knew what he meant. Encouraging those layabout social housing denizens to pull themselves out of the underclass, get decent jobs and proper mortgages and everything is something that everyone knows is a necessary measure to promote economic growth in these austerity times. And pulling the safety net of social housing away from these people after just a few years is just the kind of common sense, tough love policies which is sure to work a treat. Council houses will now be regarded as emergency housing, like a homeless shelter or asylum-seekers' hospital or the kind of half-way-house you get for battered wives, junkies, ex-cons and the like. Only by looking down on, looking harshly upon and severely punishing our social inferiors will we encourage them to buck up their ideas and so, "increase social mobility". We approve, and want to see this sort of "encouragement" rolled out across a wide range of policy spheres.

For example, this kind of social-mobility "encouragement" is definitely also applicable in the transport sphere. And - what's more - the motorists, businesses and local government of Aberdeen "City and Shire" show the way! You see - everyone knows that using the bus, walking or cycling is a sure sign of grinding poverty, and it's not the sort of thing we want to see on the prestigious streets of Aberdeen "City and Shire". So it's long been our policy, along with others, to encourage social mobility by discouraging walking, cycling or using the bus. We are delighted today to notice that an unnamed citizen contributor clicked the citizen contribution hot-link (over there on the right) and e-mailed aberdeencars@gmail.com with the message:

Oi Skidmark
Hve U ever sat in yr car on the Langstracht stuk in da trfc watchn the bus fly past - annoyn init

Well seems there nw a soltn to the prob see below, top mrks to the conclfor thinkn of it, Get rd bus ln!!!!!!!!!
Wl dn concl, well dn Morrisons
Kewl!

"All bus lanes near the store will be removed
to encourage traffic flow"

Straight out of the Aberdeen Cars playbook! Firstly denounce bus lanes - next, ignore them (the stage we've largely achieved today) - finally, scrap them altogether, as Morrisons and the council have planned.
This sends out all the right messages: we don't like buses; we don't want buses; and what's more - we don't need buses, because we've all been "encouraged" into our lovely cars which, now that we can look forward to the scrapping of the bus-lanes, will definitely flow about the place not only efficiently but also vibrantly, reducing pollution, saving fuel and boosting the economy. Once the economy is sufficiently boosted, everyone will be have enough money to afford a really nice car, and no-one will be able to plead poverty as excuse for making the place look all down-at-heel by walking, cycling or take the bus ever again!

Yes indeed: Well Done Council, Well Done Morrisons!

New Parking Opportunities on the Lang Stract

An exciting range of new parking opportunities for the hard-pressed drivers of Aberdeen Cars has opened up on the city's Lang Stracht (for those who don't have The Scots tongue - that's a street-name which means "long and straight")

For so long this long straight road which connects the west of the city to the suburbs of Kingswells, Westhill and beyond has been blighted by those dog-in-a-manger mandatory bike lanes (that's the ones with the solid lines which motorists may not enter - despite paying for them via road taxes!) These bike lanes have been "supported" by double-yellow lines, thus robbing us of our right to park in them, and have provided continuous and integrated cycling infrastructure like in abroad. This makes us feel uncomfortable, because we don't like change and we're not used to foreign things.

Before

For those reasons, we're delighted to see that, at the former site of the Cocker's Garden Centre (now developed as housing association homes) the gap in the bike lane and double-yellows which had been the entrance to the garden centre has not yet been annexed by the rabid menacing cylists and their politically correct traffic engineers with their funny foreign ideas.

Because there is no cycle lane at this spot, and becasue there are no double-yellows, this provides an excellent new parking opportunity for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars VW Golf reg. Y300SUF and Honda Civic "Sport" (ooooh!) reg. W89RGB.

Today

We were particularly pleased that the drivers of these Aberdeen Cars chose to park there, because their actions completely destroy the continuous and integrated nature of the cycling infrastructure which had hitherto linked Aberdeen with its western suburbs. Very well done indeed!

Wrong Way? Huh? www.citysprint.co.uk AF52DDZ

www.citysprint.co.uk

Nothing can stop the brave WVM couriers of Aberdeen "City and Shire" - without doubt they are the new Samurai of the Road! Making up their own rules, they exemplify our certain knowledge that the economic growth embodied in the delivery of stuff is much more important than long-standing road-safety conventions such as one-way streets and no-entry signs.



We have contacted citysprint.co.uk to be sure that the driver of their van AF52DDZ is singled out for the special management attention he deserves.

You expect us to stop? But there's no line?

On Aberdeen's Lang Stracht, Council financial stringency has meant that the road-markings haven't been renewed as often as they should. With the result, the stop lines at certain traffic lights have all but worn away. Clever motorists have perspicaciously noticed this. It means you probably don't have to stop at the red if you're in a hurry (maybe), or if you're really important. Or if you're a strong-willed individualistic rebel. Like these motorists clearly are?



In any case, we at Aberdeen Cars believe that traffic lights should be advisory. Like speed limits or parking restrictions.