Morrisons Supermarket - Consolidating Social Mobility

When our Big Society Prime Minister Mr David Cameron announced that, in future, council house tenancies were to have fixed terms in order to "increase social mobility" we knew what he meant. Encouraging those layabout social housing denizens to pull themselves out of the underclass, get decent jobs and proper mortgages and everything is something that everyone knows is a necessary measure to promote economic growth in these austerity times. And pulling the safety net of social housing away from these people after just a few years is just the kind of common sense, tough love policies which is sure to work a treat. Council houses will now be regarded as emergency housing, like a homeless shelter or asylum-seekers' hospital or the kind of half-way-house you get for battered wives, junkies, ex-cons and the like. Only by looking down on, looking harshly upon and severely punishing our social inferiors will we encourage them to buck up their ideas and so, "increase social mobility". We approve, and want to see this sort of "encouragement" rolled out across a wide range of policy spheres.

For example, this kind of social-mobility "encouragement" is definitely also applicable in the transport sphere. And - what's more - the motorists, businesses and local government of Aberdeen "City and Shire" show the way! You see - everyone knows that using the bus, walking or cycling is a sure sign of grinding poverty, and it's not the sort of thing we want to see on the prestigious streets of Aberdeen "City and Shire". So it's long been our policy, along with others, to encourage social mobility by discouraging walking, cycling or using the bus. We are delighted today to notice that an unnamed citizen contributor clicked the citizen contribution hot-link (over there on the right) and e-mailed aberdeencars@gmail.com with the message:

Oi Skidmark
Hve U ever sat in yr car on the Langstracht stuk in da trfc watchn the bus fly past - annoyn init

Well seems there nw a soltn to the prob see below, top mrks to the conclfor thinkn of it, Get rd bus ln!!!!!!!!!
Wl dn concl, well dn Morrisons
Kewl!

"All bus lanes near the store will be removed
to encourage traffic flow"

Straight out of the Aberdeen Cars playbook! Firstly denounce bus lanes - next, ignore them (the stage we've largely achieved today) - finally, scrap them altogether, as Morrisons and the council have planned.
This sends out all the right messages: we don't like buses; we don't want buses; and what's more - we don't need buses, because we've all been "encouraged" into our lovely cars which, now that we can look forward to the scrapping of the bus-lanes, will definitely flow about the place not only efficiently but also vibrantly, reducing pollution, saving fuel and boosting the economy. Once the economy is sufficiently boosted, everyone will be have enough money to afford a really nice car, and no-one will be able to plead poverty as excuse for making the place look all down-at-heel by walking, cycling or take the bus ever again!

Yes indeed: Well Done Council, Well Done Morrisons!

The Right Way to Cycle for all the Right Reasons

We're delighted to see adverts in the local press of the upcoming "Ride the North" bike ride in support of the urological cancer charity UCAN.

Details of this "supported cycling" event can be seen on their website here. ("Supported" means that there's a van following.)

Proud Sponsors

We support this initiative because it serves a triple purpose:

1. It supports charity. This is the Big Society in action.
2. It supports it's sponsors: Gas and Oil Technology.
3. It helps to demonstrate that cycling is a "special", unusual and noteworthy activity. It requires special permission, planning, preparation, sponsorship, "support" and a very good reason. 

We have to hand it to G.O.T. - this event is a perfect choice for them to sponsor. Recent initiatives which might promote mass-cycling in Aberdeen "City and Shire" have the potential undermine their client base by lessening demand for petrol, but this "Ride the North" event both helps G.O.T. to seem all "green" and "environmentally friendly" by appearing to support cycling, while all the time helping to keep cycling firmly in its place. Yes, cycling is a recreational activity only, a special activity, an activity which requires "support" - it is DEFINITELY NOT a serious mode of independent utility transport for everyday use as some people seem to think. We congratulate G.O.T. for this subtle bit of PR.

The website also says:

If your aspirations for 2011 involve ... learning more about what lies down those back-roads of the beautiful North East, then this might just be for you.

Thanks very much for that, we'd never have bothered otherwise, but now that it's for a good cause...