Poor Kid Gets His Bike Shoved Up His Ass And Now It's All Over The Web

Man, I feel for this kid. Somewhere in China, it was the first day of school, and our hapless unnamed student is happily riding his bike, his mind presumably full of hope for the coming year, and likely not at all worried about people all over the world reading about the bicycle up his ass. That was his first mistake.

His second mistake was really hardly his fault. He had some minor spill on his bike, but in the process his bike seat dislodged from its supporting post on the frame, and in the fall that post... oh god. Okay, that post, in the fall ended up...

Jesus.

Okay, one more time. Up his ass. The post on the bike frame went up his ass. I'm going to spoiler alert here and let you know the kid's okay and luckily escaped what could have been severe harm, so that's great news. Less great is that people were around with cameras, and that these few seconds of horror ended up in MSN actually running the words "remove the bicycle from the boy's anus" and his story running all over the web, written by sympathetic but still questionable writers like myself.

I admit, I'm not sure why the story has to be told, but, somehow, it's impossible not to retell it. Perhaps because it's been the secret fear of every bike-riding kid since Daedalus carved the first bicycle out of marble. Perhaps because it's a reminder that deep down, we're all the same, no matter where we're from, living in constant fear of a bike getting shoved up our asses.

They had to use the Jaws of Life to cut most of the bike away, taking the poor kid to the hospital with the post exiting out his bum like a cruel tail.

What I'm really wondering now is if his relatives will be sending him this article, like my grandmas and aunts would do when I got in the paper or whatever as a kid. Will he be receiving an ink-jet printed copy of one of these articles, with a handwritten note that says "Saw you in the paper! Love, Aunt Mimi" or something like that?

Anyway, kid, wherever you are, I hope you're feeling better, and don't let this stop you from riding bikes. I mean, what are the odds of this happening again?

 Sources: (RocketNews, MSN) 

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