Very Common

From: Anonymous Anomie <xxxx@xxxxxx.xxx.xxx>

Subject: Driving opened up to non car owners

Date: 2 April 2012 7:42:05 pm GMT+01:00

To: aberdeencars@gmail.com

Aberdeen City Council has just announced that it is expanding opportunties to drive "nice little cars" to non-car owners.  

On 2nd April Aberdeen City Council tweeted

"Aberdeen CC ‏ @AberdeenCC

Want to drive, but don't own a car? Why not join Aberdeen's first car club Commonwheels. There's more info here http://www.aberdeencity.gov.uk/CouncilNews/ci_cns/pr_CarClubLaunch_020412.asp Pls RT"

This provides an opportunity for those unfortunate enough to not own a "nice little car" to experience driving a choice of seven small "town cars" - five Kia Picantos and two Hyundai i10s - or for those with grander ambitions, there are three larger vehicles - Ford Fiesta Econetics or Kia Rios.

Congratulations to Aberdeen City Council for providing these opportunities to the non car owning citizen to experience the joy of driving.  Hopefully this will help wean degenerate elements from walking, cycling or the use of public transport.   

We look forward to citizens realising the error of their ways in not owning their own nice little car and an upswing in car driving in Aberdeen soon.

Regards

Anonymous

From: Aberdeen Cars
Subject: Re: Driving opened up to non car owners
Date: 2 April 2012 7:55:06 pm GMT+01:00
To: Anonymous Anomie 

Hey Anonymous!

Thanks for that, of course the first rule of Car Club is: "Nobody Speaks About Car Club". Haha!

To begin with, when we heard about Car Club, we thought along the same lines as you: yes, the opportunity for the non-car-owning un-people to get behind the wheel and learn the error of their ways. But then we leaned that these vehicles are to be branded "Common Wheels". Yes, "COMMON". Do you see what they've done there?

There being nothing quite so splendid as wealth and riches, and what with the people of Aberdeen City and Shire leading the way on generating the necessary economic growth to pull the rest of UK plc out of recession - we can see Aberdeen City Council's "Common Wheels Car Club" for what it its. It is in fact a clever piece of context framing from our city fathers who know what's best for us. The message is clear - small cars are "common", and if you have to share one via a car club you are doubly common. You are a "minker" in fact, if you use one of these. The big sign "COMMON" on the side of the car will make your status as part of the non-car-owning non-person underclass perfectly clear to all the important people who will roar past you on the streets of Aberdeen City and Shire in our three litre 4x4 German SUV's - in other words: proper cars, that is.

Status, of course, being the only motivating factor for people to do anything ever - who would willingly submit themselves the the public humiliation of sharing a car and being branded "common" into the bargain? No-one, that's who! At least, not the sort of person who's proud to live in Europe's Oil Capital. The fact that these cars are supposed to be "low emission" is doubly telling. This is saying that using petrol is bad, and that, by extension, the oil industry is bad. The ultimate conclusion of that sort of thinking would be that Aberdeen itself is bad! Car-sharing clubs are, therefore, Anti-Aberdeen. This is why the council has set this carshare scheme up with the intention of having it fail miserably. Then the parking spaces can be re-assigned to proper road-tax paying wealth generators - the true drivers of Aberdeen Cars.

Hope that sets your mind at rest.

Best,

Old Skidmark
Aberdeen Cars

Urban Realists vs. Urban Intellectuals

An informant has passed us a couple of links to PDF reports on the Aberdeen City Council website from which we can infer the institution of a bizarre anti-car-ownership policy by our council.

http://committees.aberdeencity.gov.uk/mgConvert2PDF.aspx?ID=12635
http://committees.aberdeencity.gov.uk/mgConvert2PDF.aspx?ID=10028

The texts refer to the setting up of a so-called "car club" in Aberdeen. Not only will the vehicles for this weird "car-sharing" (eh?) scheme sit dog-in-a-manger like on the street in parking spaces which should by rights be the preserve of proper motorists who own their own cars and pay road tax, but these "car club" motors will be made available to non-car owners! Indeed, it is expected that existing car owners who join "car club" will give up car ownership! Honestly! You couldn't make this stuff up!

From one of the council reports:

Broadly speaking, a car club is an organisation that owns or leases, and maintains, a fleet of cars from which its members can book a vehicle whenever they need it. The club pays for tax, insurance, servicing, cleaning and fuel, whereas members pay a joining fee and a subsequent fee for each journey made. 48 cities or towns in the UK (including London of course) currently operate successful car clubs. The concept has only failed once, in Liverpool, because of vandalism in poorly lit areas. Studies by Carplus, a national charity supporting responsible car use, have shown that 10% of car club members will give up owning a car or sell a second family car or defer owning a car in the first place. Typically, this results in ten vehicles slipping off the radar for each car club vehicle. The environmental benefits are evident, and individuals are encouraged to consider more closely whether they really need a car, or (more likely) whether they really need a second one.

Clearly this plan is a “green” initiative – dreamed up by politicians and “urban intellectuals” – to reduce the number of cars in the city centre by trying to persuade people that they don’t need cars. Hahahahahaha!

From an urban realist’s perspective, this initiative will have little effect on city centre traffic which has become a problem as a result of poor planning: over the last 30+ years, developers have over-developed city centre sites by being allowed to “buyout” the lack of parking.

The motor car has been around for more than 100 years. It is quite unacceptable for the Council to be treating city centre residents and visitors as pariahs for daring to own cars. What these "urban intellectuals" fail to realise is that we urban realists represent the majority of people in Aberdeen who aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people like the "urban intellectuals" expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists, pavements and the like for freeloading pedestrians and parking bays and the like for freeloading car-club members.

For this reason car club will fail in Aberdeen.