Reckless Cyclist Forces Innocent Drivers to Break Law

Yet more footage from our sneaking snitchy double agent "Codename JanniJumbo". Reporting back from his mission in deep cover within Aberdeen's so-called "cycling advocacy community", he left us this video in the secret dead-letterbox buried deep in the peat at Moss of Rotten.



Gosh, did you see that? The reckless cyclist's behaviour on Bucksburn's Bankhead Road was so poor that it not only did it cause the driver of the Gold VW Golf reg SA02XPY to break the speed limit, swerve alarmingly and risk crashing into the pedestrian refuge island, but it also forced the driver of the second, high-revving blue car to risk penalty points and a fine by making him (as you've seen, forcing him to) ignore the keep left sign.

"But - hold on!" we hear you exclaim. "What was it that was so reckless about this cyclist's behaviour? - I've looked at the video, and the cyclist seems to have done nothing wrong..." And that's true up to a point, because what the video cannot show is the privileged information we have access to through our contact with "Codename JannieJumbo".

That information is the fact that this cyclist was not wearing a helmet at the time. (Thus absolving the blameless motorists of all liability for their actions.)

Poor Old Cyclists! Even Teenage Corsa-drivers Take the P155

As our agent provocateur double agent "codename JannieJumbo" lurks around town pretending to be a hippy vegetarian cycling activist, but secretly reporting back to us, occasionally his concealed camera captures some real gems of exemplary motorist behaviour.

In this clip, which he secreted in the dead-letterbox drop beneath the shadow of the ASDA Garthdee double-deck carpark, poor old "codename JannieJumbo" is intimidated by a bunch of teenagers driving Aberdeen Car Vauxhall Corsa reg. SW04TTU. They pulse-rev the engine in frustration as they follow him through a pestestrian refuge width-restricted section of carriageway on Aberdeen's Bankhead Road in Bucksburn. Then, as poor "codename JannieJumbo" moves out for parked vehicles, they roar past intimidatingly close.



Which of course raises the perennial question:

"Was he wearing a cycle helmet?"

W237RGE: "This Road is for CARS, Not Perverts".

An intriguing video submission from our undercover agent, embedded deep within the Aberdeen cycling activist advocacy "movement".

In the footage, the driver of Aberdeen Car Landrover Freelander Station Wagon reg. W237RGE makes a full and clear statement of his rights. These include:

1. The exclusive right to the road, which is "for cars".
2. The right to drive at speed directly at the users of other modes of transport who must at all times "give way to a car".
3. The right to drive at any speed, regardless of road conditions.
4. The right to indignantly dismiss the safety concerns of users of non-car modes of transport.
5. The right to suspect anyone who is not in a car of being a predatory sex-pervert, and to accuse them of such.

It is of no consequence that the Land Reform Scotland Act of 2003 granted a statutory right of responsible access to paths like these throughout Scotland. It matters not a jot that this track is a local-council designated and waymarked outdoor access "Core Path" for pedestrians, cyclists and horse-riders. It is not apposite that this road is used daily by cycle-commuters, pupils on their way to and from school, old folk enjoying the outdoors, dog-walkers exercising their pets and teen delinquents on minimotos - about these people we care not a jot.

That a statement of rights so complete, so concise and so correct that we believe it to be comparable in quality and importance to the US Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights should come from the mouth of the driver of an Aberdeen Car fills us with immense pride. Whadda guy!

Enjoy:

More 'Road Closed' Misery

Anyone who repeatedly drives from the north of Aberdeen to the south and back again or vice-versa twice a day to and from their very important, essential job will surely - and quite rightly - be outraged by the nonsensical closure of this key link-road which used to join Kingswells and the Skene Road to Bucksburn and the A96 Trunk road.

Just because a new road was built round the outside of the burgeoning 1980's Kingswells new-build suburb that's surely no reason for the council-in-all-their-wisdom to shut down this existing and perfectly good road. It would make a great rat-run for drivers-in-the-know. It's got a lovely camber and curve to it - imagine dropping a gear and roaring round that corner like Tiff Needell! It'd be just like being in a car advert! Isn't that what everyone wants?

But instead - as hard-pressed VIP tax-farmed motorists fume and fulminate in the gridlock at the Fourmile roundabout and at the Newhills junction - this perfectly good road bridging the Bucksburn lies unused. Unused that is except for dog-walkers, cyclists and schoolkids - none of whom (we needn't point out to regular readers) pay road tax and so none of whom count as road-users. So why are they allowed to use this road, then? It's got streetlights and everything. It makes us sick to see these free-loading non-productive tax-avoiding non-contributing subsidy-junkies laughing at us as they use this road and other routes like it as if they were private roads - just for them.


Who's paying for it then? Who except the tax-paying long-suffering hard-pressed motorist? Oh yes, it's time for a re-think about this stretch of road. It should be re-opened immediately. Oh, and the bypass must be built straightaway.

The very worst thing about this closed section of road is that, when it's used by pedestrians, horseriders, cyclists and other unimportant subsidised people, it gives them the impression that it's actually safe to walk, or cycle or ride a horse. It makes them think that it's a nice thing to do. It makes them feel all cosseted and clever. Well, they're not, they're just showing off, trying to be "different". Everyone knows that these activities are dangerous. Anyway, cyclehelmets make you look stupid and walking makes you look poor.


For their own good, these people need to be shown the error of their ways. The sooner their little 'hobbies' are stamped out, and the sooner they learn to conform with the vast majority of people who's transport choice actually contributes to society and the exchequer, the safer they'll be and the better it'll be for everyone. The sooner these misguided folk get about in safe, warm, nice cars, the happier they'll be and everyone will be able to tell how much money they've got at-a-glance. They should stop kidding themselves and the authorities should stop closing perfectly good roads like this - it only encourages them; humoring their stupid delusions of fitness and fun and freedom and cheap active transport. Roads are for tax-paying cars (and vans) - nobody else. OK?