Ten Ways To Justify Buying A Stupid Car

We love cheap, weird, unreliable cars, but buying one doesn't always make sense. Jalopnik readers came up with ten justifications for taking the plunge.

Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!

The world is full of reliable, affordable cars to buy. A rational buying decision is not hard to find. We'd die before we finished counting all of the Civicorollas and Camcords for sale in the US right now.

But there's more to the car world than beigemobiles and there's more to life than being stuck behind the wheel of a car that refuses to die on you. Sometimes you need a little excitement, like dropping $13,000 into a beat up Mazda RX7 that feels like it wants to destroy you. Sometimes you just have to go out and get the car of your dreams, even if it has a welded diff, semi-functioning doors and the World's Cheapest Paint Job. Sometimes you just need a stupid car.

So we put together these ten justifications for buying a questionably-advisable vehicle. We're sure that there are more rationales, so let us know in Kinja below of any tricks you use to convince yourself or someone else to go for that lovely beater.

Photo Credit: Andrew Davies

10.) Use The Four-Part Formula

Reader ranwhenparked's stupid-car buying formula is simple. Just make sure you can check off these four items.

1. Do I want this?

2. Can I afford it?

3. Do I have space for it?

4. If yes to all of the above, go for it. No other rationalization needed, really. If you've got the money and space and it won't kill your budget, then "I want it" should be reason enough.

Suggested By: ranwhenparked, Photo Credit: Kerem Tapani Gültekin

9.) I Won't Let Reliability Be My Only Concern

When you're buying a single daily driver, reliability should be a high priority. If you're just buying something dumb and interesting, don't be afraid of a few possible trips to the mechanic.

Suggested By: CobraJoe, Photo Credit: Adam Singer

8.) Remember: No Car Payments

This only applies to cheap cars (Aren't most stupid car-buying decisions for cheap cars?), but you can always remember that you don't have to take out a loan to buy your low-priced dream car. Of course, you'll probably end up paying its list price over again in repairs.

Suggested By: CobraJoe, Photo Credit: Brian Wotherspoon

7.) Disguise An Onslaught Of Numbers With Kitties

If you're trying to justify a purchase decision to a spouse or family member, you can follow the lead of this man's epic PowerPoint justifying buying a Corvette Z06. Assault the reader with numbers, then distract him or her with pictures of kitties.

Suggested By: The Swedish Bandit, Photo Credit: Roy El-Rayes and kittens

6.) Owning a Boring Car Is A Fate Worse Than Death

When you're stuck behind the wheel of an autotragic mid-90s Civic and you feel like driving into trees just to have an excuse to buy a beater Camaro, it's time to make the jump.

Suggested By: subbzz, Photo Credit: Roland Brunner

5.) The Car Needs My Rescue

Reader wheatieboy explains how sometimes an old car is like a rescue dog at the pound. You know it's been neglected or abused, and you know it has no pedigree, no 'value,' and it will come with a lifetime of vet bills. But you buy it anyway because someone has to take it in, and you know you'll get love in return.

Suggested By: wheatieboy, Photo Credit: Dan Ciminera

4.) It's Like That One Thing I Totally Needed As A Kid

Why buy a Ford Mondeo in drag Jaguar X-Type? Here's My X-type is too a real Jaaaaaaaag's explanation.

When I bought my Jag I bought it it because it almost looked liked the cars from the White Snake video that had Tawny Kitaen dancing across the hood in her underwear. That image was important to a 9-year-old boy and filtered down to the supposed adult car shopping over 2 decades later.

Suggested By: My X-type is too a real Jaaaaaaaag, Photo Credit: White Snake

3.) It'll Be A Parent-Child Project

Buying an old car isn't just a means of transportation; it's a project. That project can be something you do with your son or daughter, which is how Brian, The Life of convinced his wife to allow a $3,300 1955 Ford Fairlane into the home.

I lobbied for the car because it presented an opportunity to do something with my son that was only about him and me. My son is 17 and the years I've had to raise him to be the promising young man he has become have flown by. Next year will be his senior year and, since he has always been a highly self-motivated, straight-A student, I am sure he will be leaving the nest to move on to college and there is little chance he'll be a "boomerang kid" that comes back home after graduating. This next year will likely be our last opportunity to do something like this together...

Bottom line, my justification is that my son and I will be adding one more wonderful father/son memory. That alone is worth everything.

Suggested By: Brian, The Life of, Photo Credit: Brian, The Life of

2.) There's Never A Perfect Time

If you're waiting for the 'perfect time' to make a purchase, it'll likely never happen. There rarely ever is a 'perfect time' for anything. If you really want that car, you've got to bite the bullet.

Suggested By: smalleyxb112, Photo Credit: ASR Photos

1.) Because It Makes Me Happy

If you can't meet this requirement, leave the car behind. If you do, just about everything else falls into place, as Who needs sway bars anyway anyway explains.

I'm in the process of trying to buy a '68 Falcon Futura I found on craigslist for $800 bucks. At first I was just scrolling through craigslist looking for cars under $1000 and when I came across this car I knew I was going to try and buy it. I immediately started coming up with reasons why I should buy it. From I could flip it and make money, It would be a good backup if my Jeep was broken, Its cheaper than dirt, all the chrome and glass is there, IT RUNS!, I've always wanted a Falcon....etc...etc....etc.... but at the end of the day I am going to buy it because it would make me happy. I would drive it with a huge smile on my face and even when it inevitably broke down I would much rather brake down in a 68' Falcon than a POS Toyota Camry or Honda Civic.

Suggested By: Who needs sway bars anyway, Photo Credit: Ford via OldCarBrochures

]]>
This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Professor charged for crashing his Maserati — we found his stupid forum posts

Brandon P. van Zyl wrecked his expensive car and got himself charged for impaired driving at 11 am on a weekday, in a small-town crash that also injured the driver of a pickup truck. But before all that, he left a long list of eyebrow-raising posts at the Maseratilife.com owners forum. Then he left some more after the crash.

While most people associate the Maserati Quattroporte with scenic drives along Tuscan roadways or casino-lined Rivieras, this four-door Ferrari-powered import is also sold in far away places like Canada. Which is how a 2011 QP GTS, owned by Mr. van Zyl, came to be ruined in the Nova Scotia town of New Glasgow, pop. 9500.

The 42 year old associate physics professor and soccer dad is scheduled to stand before a judge next week, after pleading not guilty to charges of dangerous driving and impaired driving from the October crash. 

Mike Smeltzer, a member of the Subaruclub.ca forums, happens to work at the tire shop across the street from the crash. He snapped these pictures and shared the story on that forum.

"Maserati pulled out to pass a line of cars, lost control and this was the end
result"

Other local Subaruclub.ca members familiar with the black Maserati added their thoughts.

"When I was up there, the driver was always keen to play the exhaust note thats
for sure. I could never hook with him, but he wasn't afraid to please the crowd."

"We've all been saying since the guy got the car that it was just a matter of time
before this happened. He was a total douche driving around, tailgating and
reving his engine trying to get anything and everything to race him on the main
streets."

Mr. van Zyl teaches a few miles down the road at St. Francis Xavier University. Reviews on ratemyprofessors.com (where we found the photo above, clearly from his younger days) describe him as "childish" and "a bit full of himself." He's also seen as a tough marker. Others purr that he's "hot." His score is 3.2.

Since 2011, he's been an active member of the Maseratilife.com owners forum, posting under the user name bvanzyl.

A reading of his 600+ posts reveals this crash might have been prevented, had van Zyl heeded multiple warnings from police, friends and his wife.

Instead, he wilfully ignores them. Furthermore, he chooses to post online, bragging about his exploits and defending his questionable driving habits to a sympathetic group of fellow Maserati owners.

In May of 2011, van Zyl claims to have hit an impressive top speed.

"170 mph ... For the cops reading this, maybe I'm joking. Lol."

A year later, he's pulled over at the side of the road, talking his way out of a ticket.

"I was pulled over yesterday and warned that I was not allowed to use engine braking in the town limits.

My car is a fully auto QP GTS. I was driving in sport manual mode, and downshifting.

Anyone else ever had this happen? I explained to the officer that the car is an automatic. Is this strictly engine braking? I love the blip on downshifts in sport manual mode, and would hate to have to now drive in auto just to avoid the po-po. The officer informed me that they will ticket next time. WTF?"

A couple of hours later, in the same thread:

"Lol. I think I'll roll the dice. Cops have NOTHING better to do here. RCMP R a
joke. Funny, all crotch rocket bikes are ignored. I know the radio chatter - black
Masearti, pull him over."

Same thread, two days later, van Zyl gets another warning, which he prophetically ignores.

"The police have been looking out for me ever since I got the car. A local officer
(who has a kid that plays soccer with my boys) told me to be careful. Several
people have complained about the noise and claim I was speeding ... Anyway, I'm
going to continue to drive the car as usual, and when/if I get stopped again, I'd
rather go to court."

Besides:

"The father of one of our friends is a judge, but alas, he doesn't handle traffic cases. I'm sure I can always call in a favour or two regardless.

Of course, my wife likes to remind me that she warned me that this would happen. Lol. Her mantra last year was "Why do you have to drive that thing in sport mode? It's so loud".

Then, just days before the crash, he describes another warning from the police:

A few weeks ago, there were flashing lights in my driveway! Someone complained, and the RCMP paid me a visit a few hours after I had parked the car. Verbal warning, etc, and the conversation quickly went to the car, how nice it is, and how fast I've had it up to (off the record). Lol. I was told that the complainant said I had made an unsafe lane change.......hell, I was only picking up some milk.

Up until this point, Mr. van Zyl simply feels he's being persecuted for showing too much flash in small town Nova Scotia. He worked hard, and now he wants to drive the dream car he
rightfully earned.

Except, he didn't:

"I wonder how many of the gents here actually purchased their cars? In my case, I could NEVER afford a brand new Maser on my salary. LOL. My wife paid for it, but interestingly, she has absolutely no interest in driving the car, or any of the others for that matter.

We have a fleet of cars, some of which are more expensive than "our" new QP, but she still drives our 11 year old Honda Accord!!!!!!! ...
I've said it before, and I'll say it again "It's nice to be a kept man""

Despite the arrest, the legal bills and the costly front-end damage, van Zyl, who says his other cars include a lowly Audi S8, isn't done with the Maserati life. 

After taking a four month break from posting at the owners forum, he recently returned, indicating he's taking a serious look at the 2014 model (which he says starts around $150,000 CAD, if you have to ask).

Though van Zyl regretfully had to turn down an invitation to the Toronto launch event, last week he posted asking for impressions of one crucial detail:

"An important factor for me is the exhaust note, as my current QP GTS is nothing short of outstanding in that category."

"I'm also looking forward to a test drive, I just have to find the time to fly to either Montreal or Toronto to take one out for a spin."

Mr. van Zyl has never acknowledged the crash on the Maseratilife.com forum, and it's not clear if his car has been repaired. It's winter now anyway, so something lesser from the family fleet might have to get him to court on Monday morning. Not that he's likely to take advice, but he might want to plan for a ride home and hold off on booking that test drive. If convicted, he faces a lengthy licence suspension and up to 5 years in prison on the dangerous driving charge.

That is, unless he can call in a favour from the judge on this one.

]]>
This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Disabled Thinking

Historic landscapes and conservation areas are important across the globe. UNESCO knows this, and justly identifies the historic core of Amsterdam as of world importance. Which is why we enjoy going there, taking photos and enjoying the views and the general aesthetic of the place. Even though it's overrun with cars and bicycles.

Clifton Village is not a UNESCO world heritage site, but it is of a similar era, and is also overrun by cars and bicycles.

Which is why Boyce's Avenue has had both banned for much of the day in order to make shopping and walking through there a more pleasant experience.  

Oh? They don't quite look the same? 

That'll be the UK's obsession with paint. These fantastic new yellow daubings on the kerbs of Boyce's Avenue are there for a reason. Which is really important in historic settings.

Aberdeen Good, Bristol Stupid

Here's a photo one of our roving reporters took.

Of Aberdeen.

Notice how carefully, and sensibly this city has been planned, unlike Bristol.

There's a railway for poor people to use, a proper road for real people to use, and a pavement for the bins. Luckily, there are no cyclists in sight (unlike Bristol).

Proper job.

Unfortunately, Bristol is full of idiots.

Luckily, the gene pool cleans itself, or so we're told.