Stokes Croft goes national

The guardian has published article looking at stokes croft as a place to live.

This is the first time that Stokes Croft has anything vaguely resembling positive coverage, so it's worth a read.

Sadly, it's flawed. As we've stated before stokes croft is not Bohemian.

Yes, it does have a flower shop, so the "A revolution must have flowers" quote is correct -yet the author of the article completely omits the adjacent retail outlet, Slix -the food of the revolution, or how this so-called revolution will impact the paid-sex industry of the area.




For claims that the croft is gentrified, we are pleased to reassure people that the coloured paint is, literally, a thin layer of paint over the cracks.
  
Nor did the article mention the familiar sound of the A38 -the sirens- or the fact that for many of the residents, Alcoholism is in fact a career choice.
  
there was lots of praise for the Post Office, : "the lovely folk at the post office". Yet the article implied that walking and cycling were the way to get around.
 
Regular readers will know that the cycle lane is for short-stay visitors to the post office, while the recommended transport for the area is in fact a van.

On the topic of stokes croft vans, can we ask the driver of the red van turning right into Ashley Road at about 4:30pm today, monday Jul 2, what did that female pedestrian in the grey jacket do that merited you getting out and trying to start a fight with her? Pedestrians can damage your paintwork if they hit your van or wingmirrors, so we are sure that whatever she did it was deserved.

We were just suprised, watching it from our own van, that the first road-rage incident of the evening rush hour was starting that early on in the evening. Usually the fights don't kick off until after 5pm.

Pharmacy Plus: proud to sponsor the Frome Valley cycle way

The new Frome Valley cycleway follows the frome from the heart of bristol up to near UWE, with the first half along that jewel of the Bristol Road system, the M32 motorway. The fast moving traffic will remind cyclists that if they weren't so poor, they too could have a proper vehicle.

Pharmacy Plus are proud to sponsor this new path. As a key member of the NHS supply chain, they recognise how important health and fitness is. The vehicle SF58PZK, which may well be associated with the company, is proudly placed in the middle of the path to remind people on foot and bicycle how much more accessible the city is if you have proper transport.

There is enough room for passing cyclists if they swerve into the road, so we think that whoever called Bristol Parking Services to report this car was small-minded and vindictive

Anarchists. Maybe

The elusive "Bristol Citizen" asked us why we forgot to mention anarchists as the cause behind the riots. Good question.

It's hard to see theft of LCD televisions as somehow aligned with the Anarchist cause. Indeed, it's hard to see a complicate blackberry-and-facebook based Command-Control-and Communication Infrastructure being operated to co-ordinate such thefts. Sitting in a pub like The Hare on the Hill cheering on rioters out on ninetree hill -that we can accept.

Planning a mass rising of the population in Croydon. Unlikely. Croydon? It's not exactly the Bastille or the Battleship Potemkin, is it. If you are going to plan a revolution, pick somewhere dramatic to be celebrated in cinema and art for centuries. Not Croydon.

Who then? Well, we also forgot to mention Rave Music. - music described in the 1994 Criminal Justice and Public Order Act as "sounds wholly or predominantly characterised by the emission of a succession of repetitive beats". A music so dangerous that they had to ban rave gatherings, out of fear of groups of people wearing lime green t-shirts dancing to A Guy Called Gerald threatened society -or at least the alcohol revenue of clubs, pubs and national supermarket chains.

There's another issue: where did all the balaclavas come from? There's only one group of people who go round the city with Balaclavas and facemasks, geared up for a mass uprising and already showing an affectation for consumer toys. Yes, the cyclists.

With the face gear, the fingerprint-protecting gloves and the riot-ready helmets, along with the nimble wheeled subversion-mobiles, these are the real criminals in our society.

What to do? The obvious answer is to show that we aren't intimidated, to place our range rovers firmly in the cycle paths and say "we will not be intimidated!"

Praise L008YXR for being the first of the true citizens of our streets to drive over to the bike paths of Montpelier and show they are not afraid. Already you can see how the passing cyclists look threatened and unhappy!

Tesco would like to us to remind you that they are still open.

Exploring Clifton's secret 20 mph zone

Round the back of the school, there's a walking only dropoff area, where the kids can learn to walk round paveparked vans by going on the road.

Then at the end of Wellington Park it meets Whiteladies Road and comes to a timely end
 

Where things return to normal: 30mph, pinch points, pretend bike lanes with tax-earning vans temporarily parked on the associated yellow lines

On the other side, in Redland, they have painted some bicycles on the road of the sustrans "route 4"

These may encourage cycling, but at least they encourage the cyclist to stay far enough out to avoid damaging vehicles, such as the mini WR57XBX corner parked on the double yellow lines. Incidentally, this road may be one that voted against becoming an RPZ. And well they should, as the enforcement of parking rules would remove such parking opportunities.

Britannia Movers International: Try the lanes of Cornwall instead

There's a lovely piece of advice for anyone naive enough to believe that they'd be welcome cycling up the dedicated contraflow cycle lane or Arley Hill. It says "try the lanes of corwall"

What WA58BVD really means is "dont' try these bike lanes". We thought it was funny.

If there is one criticism -a minor one- the lorry is making it hard to get down the road and hence to the M32 for those of us who have paid for the privilege. A bit of forward planning, like, say, coning/dustbinnining off the front of the house would have let the removals van load up without taking any road space away from us.

More coverage of WA58BVD elsewhere.

Are Car Solutions Ltd sponsoring a bike lane?

just east of the M32, Car Solutions Ltd specialise in "injury claims and replacement vehicles"

Custom must be slow this week, as someone appears forced to park their 4x4 FY07BOU in the bicycle only contraflow and pavement in the hope that a collision with a passing car or pedestrian may result in a good claim or two.

But without insurance, what good is that? This is why we demand that all pedestrians that walk on the pavements our road tax funds to have registration numbers and third party insurance. And that the police roll out ANPR cameras to detect pedestrians whose insurance has expired.

Those people wondering where pedestrians would keep their registration numbers are missing another part of the plan: the compulsory helmets. 

AA in stokes croft

Lovely to see the AA van EU08CMD out rescuing someone whose car had broken down in the stokes croft "bike lane"

We use quotes around "bike lane" as we have never once seen a cyclist using it.

We do not understand why not, or why they are so ungrateful for all that our road tax does for them.

The Stokes Croft Bike Lane! Sponsored by the AA!

Abbeywood week, a discussion

Yesterday we mentioned that one problem with parking on the abbeywood cycle paths was not just the new bollards, it was harassment from cyclists. Here, sadly, we have an example.

This is V134DYC, a lorry minding its own business, parked on one of the Abbeywood cycle/pedestrian paths. By getting almost entirely on the path it is not interfering with any passing traffic.

Yet our cyclist reporter felt that there was some need to criticise the driver, to take a photograph of them, "for the database".

Fortunately, our lorry driver sees their gambit and raises it by pointing out that they too have a camera in their lorry, and the cyclist looked pretty silly -which, coming from a professional hi-viz person, are pretty harsh words.

We aren't convinced that the driver saying that Hitler used to disappear troublemakers like our cyclist report actually wins the argument.

1. Godwin's Law implies that whoever reverts to analogies with Germany's National Socialist government of 1934-1945 automatically loses the argument.
2. It's not clear that that government did persecute cyclists except when their religious or political beliefs were not aligned with that of the government.
3. It's not clear how this possibly incorrect bit of history deals with the problem that now there is nothing to stop cyclists taking videos and photographs of vehicles in their way and sticking it up online.

We look forward to better arguments in future.

Family Cycling vs S Gloucs

Shocking footage of an entire family's collection of bicycles, up in the North Fringe, at a secret (as in "official secret protected by the official secrets act") location.

What's surprising is that they managed to get there, despite the efforts of S Gloucs council, who strategically positioned a lorry over the bike path to stop anyone who wasn't bold enough to cycle along a dual carriageway from getting to the bike racks.

Come on S. gloucs, please try harder!

Slix Week 5

OK, so we know Slix is good (and to avoid any press complaints of bias we'll probably cover the other eateries and massage parlours of Stoke Croft in future editions).

We know that, as a convenient and iconic food outlet, Slix has great parking facilities (courtesy of the bike lane which deters commuters, but welcomes the brave).

We know that Noel Edmunds may or may not have eaten there. In his taxi.

We are impressed, though, that it is being protected by the State.

We found it reassuring that Police vehicle WX09EKU had parked-up in the cycle lane to ensure Stokes Croft was safe from errant taxi drivers, mini-cab deliveries and cyclists. We were just disappointed that it hadn't pulled up on the pavement, as that would have allowed us to complain, in true Daily Mail style, about the sort of low-life that populate this part of Bristol scratching the paintwork as they squeezed by.

Of course, it may be that they're there to arrest Mrs Lovett, but her pie shop (and others) still seem to exist on the Croft, so we doubt it.

Luckily, as can be seen from the photo, Stokes Croft is perfect for a new road widening scheme. Here at Bristol Traffic we reckon we could get at least five lanes of traffic in here, probably six if we narrowed the pavements. We will be lobbying our MPs.

Slix Week 4

Mini-cabs are one thing, but they are nothing in comparison to real cabbies.

A real taxi can use a bus lane, park in a cycle lane, and even go through no-entry signs (if you know the right routes).

Here though we see one visiting Stokes Croft, outside our feature takeaway of the week - Slix.

This taxi - T332MOA - is a frequent visitor to Stokes Croft, but we do wonder whether it's for real. We know of a famous and important person who lives locally and drives a taxi to get around bus-lane restrictions.

Slix Week 3

We're covering Slix in Stokes Croft this week, and we've noticed that it attracts some interesting clientele. It also sells burgers and chicken.

Yesterday we looked at the corporate appeal of the area, with cars such as WP06XTR using the cycle lane as a convenient stop-off to do a bit of business in the area, or pick up a burger and chips.

These parked cars, though, are actually an inconvenience, as they restrict the ability of mini-cab drivers to pick-up, drop-off and park-up to re-fuel.

Slix is an essential part of a central Bristol taxi driver's life-style, and, we hear, a destination of choice for many of their passengers, as YY05WEF and FB57KDF illustrate.

Slix Week 2

Documenting Stokes Croft is a full-time job.

Which is why we have a company car, just like anybody with a proper job. And we like to park-up on the pavement outside Bank to monitor the competition.

Not all cars are company cars, though.

There's no way to tell if T31DYA is parked in the cycle lane to grab a legitimate and corporately funded bite to eat in Slix (or Mrs Lovett's), or if it just belongs to a local from City Road picking up a few extra copies of the Big Issue to sell in Clifton.

The same is true for other cycle lane users, J44NUG, T364VCF and R790EDV.

One thing is certain: these cars are not there now, which at least proves that none of the drivers, even if they had their hair cut in 'Anointed Touch', ended up as take-aways from Mrs Lovett's. These drivers are safe.

Slix Week 1

We know that Stokes Croft is the centre of the universe.

And at the centre of Stokes Croft is that most favourite eatery, Slix.

Ignore the fact that it's next to Mrs Lovett's meat pie outlet, ignore any references to Sweeny Todd, or the fact that the Stoke's Croft is full of barber's shops. Probably more barbers than massage parlours. Even the venerable Croft features Harry Blades in the front room once a month at their heady "Barrymore's Pool Party" Nights - buzz cut for a tenner, anyone?

No, the interesting thing about this stretch of inner city Bristol is the way in which users of the Bike Lane here generally form a parked string of pearls on an otherwise unused piece of road.

Also interesting is the wide variety of patrons Slix appears to attract. So this week, in the spirit of a minor contribution to documenting the urban fabric of Bristol in 2010, we'll be celebrating a small selection of the trades that frequent the area.