Upgrade. Bigger IS Better. Fact.

As our great affluence and the influence of all modern conveniences leads to greater and greater comfort for the wealthy drivers of Aberdeen Cars, for a lot of us, our wealth is worn visibly around our midriffs. And multiple chins, sausage-fingers and big fat arses. With 20% of primary-age children in Scotland now showing the effects of this labour-saving lifestyle, we can look forward to a future full of people of a healthy big-boned good-size. A jolly, roly-poly populace of bigger, heavier people to go with our bigger, heavier cars.

Jolly

But, of course, despite the fact that the average width of cars is now a good 30cm greater than it was when we were children, we have noted that sometimes the steering wheel gets in the way of the stomach, and that fingers of a good-width sometimes have difficulty with fiddly little buttons on dashboards etc.

Imagine then our relief as word reaches us from a couple of sources that "Supersized Cars Could be on the Way" for the super sized drivers of Aberdeen Cars as luxury car makers look to "Plump My Ride..."

(The Daily Telegraph goes on to use the word 'fat' in the headline, which we think is a bit harsh. As we said, the drivers of Aberdeen Cars tend to be "bigger people"; we are a "good size", jolly and fun, with healthy red cheeks.)

Here's some of the text from the Daily Telegraph article:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/news/8845213/Plump-my-ride-luxury-car-makers-create-bigger-cars-for-fat-drivers.html

Luxury manufacturers have begun road-testing the next generation of larger-sized vehicle [which] officials say will allow bigger people to maintain their comfort on the road.
[...]
"People are getting more obese and we want to find out how that limits their range of motion and how our vehicles can adapt to the changing needs of our customers,” Ralf Kaiser, a member of BMW's ergonomics team, told the Sunday Times.
“We know that a lot of overweight and obese people have problems in daily life, and in the car this starts with getting in and getting out. In general, these aren’t sporty people.
[...]
Mercedes has unveiled plans to strengthen grab handles above its doors, in part to help heavier passengers support themselves.
Porsche, meanwhile, is installing “electrically-powered steering columns” on top-of-the-range models that rise when the engine is switched off.
Over the past decade, Honda has widened its seats by up to 2in to accommodate larger bottoms while its new range of vehicles will also have buttons that will allow for so-called "sausage fingers".

Bigger IS Better. Fact.

Walking Makes you Fat. Official.

An interesting document: Preventing Overweight and Obesity in Scotland - A Route Map Towards Healthy Weight has been passed to us by an informant. You can download the PDF here.



In it, we noticed fascinating insights into how infrastructure issues might be tackled in order to mitigate Scotlands obesity epidemic:

At an environmental level we can also imagine how increasing walkable pedestrian areas in our town centres, without parallel actions to influence the kinds of high calorie snacks and drinks offered by cafes, takeaways and convenience stores could have the opposite outcomes to those we intended by increasing exposure to energy-dense foods and drinks.

There you have it. Pedestrian areas are likely to make people fat, because they will walk past takaways, bakers, sweetie shops and the like and be unable to resist the temptation to indulge their fat selves. Far better indeed that these people be encouraged not to walk anywhere at all. Much better that they stay in their cars, where they will definitely not be tempted by high calorie foods.



Yesterday we demonstrated how the evil curse of pedestrianisation, as it spreads across the USA, has caused market turmoil and stock market crashes. Now we know that it also causes obesity. Pedestrianisation (or roadspace reallocation, as it is sometimes known) must be stopped. If you agree, you should join our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway from the sinister forces of roadspace re-allocation. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.