Oxford, Cambridge - Failures.

We have become aware that, in Aberdeen's aspiration to 'ideopolis' status, some urban intellectuals have pointed to Oxford and Cambridge as having examples of urban space policies which we might want to follow. Sounds fair enough, we thought.

But then we started learning about things we don't much like.

From Cyclingmobility.com

Across the whole city [Oxford], more than 10% of journeys made are by bicycle. About 16% of commuters in the city cycle to work. Most cyclists ride in ordinary clothes ...

Oxford certainly doesn’t have lots of European-style segregated cycle tracks. There is a network of quiet routes on backstreets and paths, but they are generally indirect and not really good enough for people trying to get from A to B. They are mostly used by children going to school, and for leisure.

Instead, the majority of Oxford’s cyclists use the ordinary main roads. More than half of these main roads have painted cycle lanes (or bus lanes), but there’s no real separation from the traffic.

What is it that persuades cyclists to mix with the traffic in Oxford?

Partly, it’s the lack of car parking, especially in the city centre. Since the 1970s, businesses have not had permission to provide new car parking for their staff or customers; instead, they have to contribute to park and ride car parks on the edge of the city. Charges at public car parks are high, and they’re almost never full. More than 40% of journeys into central Oxford are by bus. This shortage of car parking makes many people try cycling who, elsewhere, wouldn’t even consider it.

Another reason is that no-one drives very fast in Oxford. It’s rare that anyone does more than 30mph. The side streets and shopping areas on main roads all have 20mph limits. If the residents had their way, there’d be 20mph limits on all of the main roads too.

So much space has been dedicated to bus lanes and cycle lanes that there’s not enough room for the traffic to go fast, even if the speed limits were increased. In 2000, the last two gyratory junctions were removed – they were clogged solid with traffic anyway. All the inner ring road junctions have 20mph limits, and they are much less scary than the norm.

So what is it that gets people cycling? It’s not perfect facilities – Oxford is far from perfect. But by removing car parking, making good public transport easily available and by slowing down motor traffic, other cities could follow the example set by Oxford in removing would-be cyclists’ concerns and turning interest into action.

(Our emphasis)


And just look at the result!

Who'd have thought there were so many poor people in Oxford?

This poor lost soul continues to wear his suit, despite obviously
having fallen so far that he can no longer afford a car.
Sad.

No caption required.

Much more pictures of Oxford's unemployed, layabout hobbyists here.

And what about Cambridge? We're afraid that it's much the same story.

Cambridge has a large number of cyclists. Many residents also prefer cycling to driving in the narrow, busy streets, giving the city the highest level of cycle use in the UK. According to the 2001 census, 25% of residents travelled to work by bicycle. A few roads within the city are adapted for cycling, including separate traffic lights for cycle lanes and cycle contraflows on streets which are otherwise one-way.

(Again, our emphasis)

Those unsettling pictures were from here and here.

St Andrews, too! That's getting a bit close to home!

So, all this is very disheartening. If the photos of all those cyclists in Oxford or Cambridge are anything to go by, it seems that this urban ideopolis thing doesn't work, having the effect only of forcing so many people to walk, cycle or use the bus. This means they must be unemployed, either that or very poorly paid, because otherwise they'd have nice cars, wouldn't they? Oxford and Cambridge are setting very poor examples. If this is what happens in an ideopolis, we'll just leave it, thanks. Who needs clever people anyway? And what about all the carbon emissions from all the books that these people read? Eh? What about that, then? Hadn't thought about that, had you?

Thank goodness we urban realists in Aberdeen have more enlightened policies towards future economic growth and sustainability than those urban intellectuals elsewhere, what with our forthcoming radial urban expressway which will deliver high volumes of high-speed traffic into the city centre on the currently underused Denburn Dual Carriageway and our extremely exciting orbital motorway project, "The AWPR" (Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route) which will greatly increase the number, distance and velocity of car journeys undertaken throughout Aberdeen "City and Shire", thus ensuring our future prosperity without question, because more cars on more roads is what everyone wants, isn't it?

"Aha got you there!" we can hear the nimby naysayer greenies - "what about all the carbon emissions that this increase in traffic will cause?" Well, we have it on good authority that by the time the AWPR is open to traffic in 2012 2015 2025 tailpipe emissions will be water only, hydrogen powered cars having been made compulsory cars will be zero emission because of some as-yet un-proven battery technology we'll all be driving fusion powered hovercars. Yes we will. We saw it on the Jetsons.

And, in any case, what about all the greenhouse gas emissions which come from the manufacture of too many cycle helmets and high-visibility tabards? Again, we'll bet you hadn't thought about that.

Now, which is best?

Aberdeen:

Or an ideopolis?

We're sure that, when you examine the evidence, you'll probably agree with us.

The Silent Majority wants to Save Our Heritage.

It can be tough going at times, trying to motivate the silent majority: continually issuing rallying cries to our silent silent supporters in aid of our campaign to "Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway!" ('like' us on FaceBook, 'follow' us on Twitter).

A woefully underused urban asset.
Part of our heritage under threat.
What can YOU do to help?

We take our obligations on behalf our our huge but largely silent support very seriously; the job has a high profile and entails real responsibility. As part of what we do, sometimes - like over the last few weeks - it's been necessary to report on the threats to not only the Denburn Dual Carriageway but also our worries about the other road projects which we hold dear in Aberdeen "City and Shire". It's upsetting work - we have to look at things which nobody should have to look at and read proposals nobody should have to read - but somebody's got to do it. One of the dangers of this type of work is that it can skew your perspective - turn you paranoid - you begin to see cyclits and pestestrians literally everywhere, murmering their creed of "reallocation".

But, we've had a nice weekend - got the car parked directly outside the house so we could look at it whenever we wanted to (comforting) and so we settled down to count our blessings. We noticed that our local MP, Dame Anne Begg, tweeting furiously that the AWPR Aberdeen Bypass is still a party priority, despite all sorts of anti-bypass misinformation promoted by our Dundee-based local press. And we also comforted ourselves with these thoughts:

Don't worry - we'll fix this
medieval aberration on the A90.

Firstly, the work which will complete the A90 Trunk Road Anderson Drive "Ring Road".

• The forthcoming improvements to the historic Bridge of Dee (it's recent de-scheduling as a Scheduled Ancient Monument opens the way to its significant modification and widening as part of the A90 trunk road)
• The improvements to the Haudagain Roundabout at the A90 A96 junction - a flyover? An underpass? Exciting! One things for sure, some social housing full of unemployed people and students will be bulldozed to make way for it. Good.

Inner Ring Road

Secondly, the work which will complete the "Inner-City Ring Road".

• The Berryden Corridor
• The Link to Great Northern Road
• Some stuff to do with buses at Powis Terrace

Thirdly, and most excitingly, the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route - The Aberdeen Bypass itself. Still a priority for Dame Anne Begg MP, and MSP candidate Gregg Williams of the Labour Party. This will be a motorway. Sort of.

So, yes. Soon Aberdeen will be a city which has not one, not two, but three - yes three ring-roads. Two of these will be thrilling urban-dual-carriageways, and the third will be a motorway. Fabulous!

At last we can see the future - the future our forefathers envisaged in the 1952 Local Plan - a future full of cars busily speeding about on our three ring-roads creating economic growth for the whole country. By heaven it'll have taken a long time to get there - but it'll be worth it. The future IS what it used to be. These retro-modern transport plans are cutting edge. They say that if you wait long enough, fashions come round again. That means that Aberdeen is avant-garde.

Some say that these mid-20th century plans now reaching implementation are now out of place and unsustainable against the dark background of resource depletion and climate change. They say that the effort would be better expended getting Aberdeen "City and Shire" hooked up to next-generation fibre-optic high-speed broadband, but we don't really know what that means, so we ignore these calls. They say that the future can only be assured by the up-to-datedness of the fastest possible 21st century internet connectivity - but we think they don't know what connectivity means. The growth-generating drivers of Aberdeen Cars are only interested in the sort of connectivity which dual-carriageways and motorways can provide! High speed traffic flow! Now that's connectivity!

Soon enough, our city centre will be regenerated by efficient traffic flow delivering large numbers of high-speed drivers into the city-centre at a higher rate than ever before. More car-parks will be definitely be needed. And so our beloved Denburn heritage Dual Carriageway will saved for future generations. Hooray!

Kill KIIIILLLLL KIIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!

Kill them all if you love your car!

But what of the carbon emissions? Well, we all know that global warming is just a conspiracy theory to to make motorists feel guilty - yes, a myth put about by jealous hippy types who envy our lovely cars (and, as pointed out by our mentors at Bristol Traffic, what about all the carbon emissions caused by the manufacture of too many cycle helmets and high visibility jackets, eh?). But anyway - whatever! - we draw their sting with the Granite City Forest project. This project sort-of offsets the expected increase in carbon emissions by 'planting a tree for every citizen' and necessitates the slaughter of all the deer on Tullos hill.

Good. These spongeing animals do not contribute to economic growth. About these useless roe deer we care not a jot - they are in the way of our plans for dual carriageways and motorways. They deserve to die. Will we get to eat them?

So it's time for the silent majority to stand up and be counted, and hopefully encourage others to do the same. If you love your cars, if you love driving you MUST spread the word:

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