BONJOUR, guten tag and benvenuti from a very continental Life On Cars, which is this week embracing the idea that you're no longer a British motorist, but a European one.
That's the thinking behind the latest white paper from Brussels, where European Commission officials have come up with the idea of creating something called a Single European Transport Area. Only it's not a white paper - it's a roadmap. I look forward to buying mine for £4.99 at a motorway service station and stuffing it my glovebox in the near future.
Lots of very British organisations - like the Association of British Drivers, and the UK Independence Party - have already kicked up a fuss about the idea, because it proposes things like road pricing and a complete ban on driving your car into any city - whether it's Liverpool or Lisbon - by 2050.
Naturally, as a Brit and a motorist I disagree with pretty much all of it, but as a - whisper it quietly - proud European I think there's a lot of ideas we can nick off our neighbours.
Here are some policies I've come up with for a truly European driving experience, to save the EU the trouble:
1) All roads must be maintained to the same standards as Germany, which are almost entirely blemish-free and, in the case of most of the autobahns, have no speed limits. Not for us Europeans the potholes of your average British high street!
2) Petrol and diesel prices should be kept at Luxembourg levels, which are among the cheapest anywhere in the EU.
3) Italy should be put in charge of coming up with all the car names, because “Fiat Cinquecento Sporting” is infinitely more rewarding to utter than, say “Renault Wind”. Jaguar XF Competitizione, anyone?
4) French engineers - who gave us the Peugeot 205GTi and the Renaultsport Clio, pictured above - should be put in charge of anything to do with ride and handling.
5) The best car interiors on offer today, which you'll see lining the likes of the Range Rover and the new Aston Martin Virage rather than their BMW and Mercedes rivals, have been crafted by Brits. Because we've long abandoned the idea that our dashboards should look like church pews and gone for the luxury yacht style instead, we should be in charge of this department.
6) Brits - specifically, the ones who run the delightfully quaint Westmorland Services on the M6 up in Cumbria - should also be in charge of service stations.
7) On a serious note all motorways in Europe should cost the same to use (preferably, nothing at all). How is it fair that you've got to pay to use a French autoroute, but their truckers can use the M58 for free?
All ideas, I'm sure, which will help bring Europe together to make it a better place for us humble motorists. My cheque from Brussels is in the post.
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